Please survive. I love you <3

My cheek got raped by both my sister and then her boyfriend. Scary...

Oh god. I gotta study german. We have a test tomorrow, but I don't understand anything at all...
Maybe if I write it down?

Infinitiv - grundform
Presens - nu (spelar)
Preteritum - då (spelade)
Perfekt - då (har spelat)

fahren er fährt er fuhr er ist gefahren
geben er gibt er gab er hat gegeben
laufen er läuft er lief er hat gelaufen
liegen er liegt er lag er hat gelegen
nehmen er nimmt er nahm er hat genommen
schreiben er schreibt er shrieb er hat geschrieben
sehen er sieht er sah er hat gesehen
singen er singt er sang er hat gesungen
sterben er stirbt er starb er ist gestorben
trinken er trinkt er trank er hat getrunken

"Never contact me again"
"Uh-uh? What has happened?" 
"..."
"Explain"
"No" - What would I write? 'I don't like you, but at the same time I can't stop think of you. I want you to be here but I'm afraid of you.'
Whattttt.
He won't even understand.
But now it's done. I should be happy but I'm not. Back to being lonely, huh. What am I supposed to do now? Contact him again and explain the situation? That won't work... but I'll do it anyway.
'You confuse me. You make me paranoid and you make me feel both good and bad. That's why I don't want to have contact with you anymore'

... I changed?
Bought new clothes, got contact lenses, dyed my hair purple, started working out, and then everything was OK. I don't know if I need a change. I'm comfortable with myself right now - that's one of the problems. But if I make something different maybe I'll feel better about myself, and maybe then, I can give all I have, so that I can feel how it's like to feel good, do something different, change myself, start over, Be social, visible and talk much. Say my opinions about this and that, have friend, steer a conversation without awkward silence. Because all of those things would be great. "If I change... will I feel better about myself and everything else?

I swallow so loud. It's kinda annoying sometimes, especially when it's all quiet. Someone is talking outside the room I'm in, eh.
Oh, that's right. We have English lesson. I wrote on my blog the latest English lesson too.
We have sports later. Dance, again. I actually survived the last time and I can't say it was thaaat fun, but at least I did it and that makes me happy and proud.
Yesterday I worked out with our abdoer twist. I didn't have any expectations but my mom sounded very happy with it. I did both the beginner- and the medium-workout, and to be honest: It didn't work at all. Kinda. The only thing that happened was that my arm and back hurt. But it was fun and it made me happy, so yeah! I'll continue using it. 3 times a week. Hopefully I'll feel result or something in a few weeks. I'll update about it later.

Vad menas med ekonomi?
Förklara det ekonomiska kretsloppet.
Vad har kommuner och stat med ekonomi att göra?
Hur påverkas skolor av kommuner och stater?
Hur uppstår konjukturer?
Hur uppstår inflation?
Förklara hur man löser en kris.
Förklara hur man hindrar inflation.
Vilka grunder behövs för att tillverka en vara?
Hur bestäms priset på en vara?
Vad har kapitalismen med ekonomi att göra?
Förklara hur det bildas en ekonimisk bubbla.
Varför är bankerna viktiga för ekonomin?
Förklara aktier.
'Sverige har ett av världens bästa välfärdssystem'... -  vad mer?
Vad är rut och rot avdrag?
Vad är subventioneringar?
Förklara BNP.
Varför är Malawi fattigt?
Vilka andra anledningar kan vara orsaken till fattigdom?
Vad menas med globalisering?
Nämn för- och nackdelar med globalisering.
Förklara de rika länderna.

It's very creepy... we have a substitute on our English-lesson. Every time I look up I can see how she stares at me.. It's scary!!!
We have to write a book review but I don't know what to write! That's kinda, lame. 
It's very cold today. It's raining too. 
Great. Now she looks as if she's going to kill someone. 
30 minutes left and I don't know what to do. My computers battery is really short, probably because I use the computer so often. I wonder if there's anything to do about it?
Ah. She killed someone.
I better get going.
^
That was fun to write, lol.
Today when we have sports, it's dance. I can't dance! And I don't like it, at all. 
But I'm going to do my best. I haven't been on that many sports lessons... because I've been sick or I've couldn't done anything.
But from now on, I'll give it all. I'll do my best!

Yesterday, I finished playing Metal Gear Rising Revengeance. :( The end came too soon!! It was only like, 7 hours gametime! I wanna re-play it.. But since I played it on Easy-mode I'll go with Normal-mode. I really like the game! The ending was.... sad, even though it wasn't. It was too soon :( Aw, I hate when I finish games, because I always feel so sad and empty afterwards! The same goes for anime... But yeah, I'll play it again! :D And in the cover, a paper with a ninja-feature was included, which you can unlook, so I'm probably going to do that! I finished the game in a week, buhuhu. But I really, really recommend the game. It's hack 'n' slash, and it's just so awesome! I doubted for a while if I should buy it, because just the thought that you chopped bodies in half: I didn't know if it would affect me or not. But it didn't. It was only fun! And the music in the game is just soooooo good! I love the whole concept with the game, even though the story doesn't get finished the right way. 

Rating: 10/10
Character: 5/5
Graphic: 5/5
Music: 5/5
Camera: 4,9/5

Before I bought the game I read that the camera was annoying. And it was, sometimes. But it didn't affect the game so much, it was only a little frustrating sometimes...
I wish there was a feature to unlock that had more story in it! Because, I really love the game...
The reason why I wanted to buy it is because one of my friends has a fighting-game, where you can choose a character from different games. Raiden was there, and I loved to play as him. And I also like hack 'n' slash games. More than shooting-games actually! I have Devil May Cry, but that game is soooo difficult.  I fell in love with Raiden the first time I saw him. Even though I bought the game secretly¨, I don't regret doing it.  I thought I would feel guilty, but I really wanted the game, and when I played it, is was so freakin' awesome! 

I'm tired.
Asked my mom to wake me before she got to work, and I think she did.
Yesterday I bought Metal Gear Rising Revengeance <333
But my mom doesn't know it. She doesn't allow me to buy it, so yeah, I gotta keep it a secret.
I'm going to write a wishlist for my birthday, haha.
But I hope she didn't see the game this morning when she came into my room. I don't remember it, at least. I just remember me saying "ok". 
I woke up early this morning because I want to study! So I'm going to do that now! We have 3 test next week, and I want to be ready!

I'm hungry. But the only thing I can eat is Strong. I'm outside, and I can't get in the house, because I don't have a key. But it's not so bad, because It's sunny outside!! I'm listening to music and thinking about the day so far.
This haven't been a good day, at all.
I've been confused, a little dizzy, headache. We hade national exams, which I failed on sooo bad. I didn't write anything... :(
And we had 'needlework', and I didn't understand what to do so the teacher did it for me. = I'm such a fucked up, handicapped kid. 
And on my way home, I wanted to go to the town, but not alone, but yeah... I ended up going home instead, because I suck.
Gahh, I'm so worthless.
Why am I such a coward.
I need to study. There's so much studying to do right now. 9 things this month. Hey, let me have a breakdown and sleep - then it'll be alright.